October 6th, 2010

Angry...

Somehow lately I am getting more and more angry. Do not know why. Strange. Not typical for me. Seems like I am with wrong people or what???

Yesterday after the work I did all the necessay stuff at home: washed my clothers, iron it, ate, watching last news at the internet, went with a bycicle to HB. Then took Albena to my friend#s place for the barbeque. We ate quite a lot, drinking beer and wine, it was really funny! And, of course, my ''love'' was there, warming me. The it got a bit cold and finally we decided to go to the party (some kind of student's party). Since I had my ukrainian student#s card it was not a problem to get  there for free, the same for Albena. But the music... Probably, I am not a fan of rock, including punk, rock'n'roll, indian rock etc. Sorry. Probably, my friends liked it, so I decided to stay. But some of the songs were too hard for my weak brain, tired frrom quantum mechanics... :( Finally, at 2 a.m. we got home. My "love", having decided to sleep this night with me, didn't want to go home.... ufffff... so, finally we didn't sleep well. Of course, in such a narrow bed. So, in the morning I FEEL REALLY ANGRY AND NOT SATISFIED.

Life is really cruel thing. He really likes (or maybe loves) me, but I don'. Only friends. He wants to be together all the time. I am not ably. I am just getting angry. Every day I let him go away from my house, opening the doors. And every day he wants to stay. Every day he wants to go out together, but every day I feel more and more that I am tired from him. And of course, I feel angry and a bit upset. Real shit. Just got SMS from him: "hello! thank u for the possibility to stay in your place. Miss u". As usually, I don't answer. As usually, he will call me later. Hope, it will be not bad in STuttgard at least.

Ok, itäs time to go back to quantum walks and stop thinking of it... Have a nice day!
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Ich brauch eine Freundin!

After 3 hours of work with statistical ansamble in quantum mechanics, I realized what is wrong with me. Typically... I need a friend. Girl-friend. And not german-speaking, but Russian or ok, English-speaking. It is shitty not to talk to your friends (girls, I mean), not to discuss plans etc. Would like to discuss plans, guys, work at least and to be able to express my thoughts normally! Right now I have two german-speaking friends - sister of my bf and my neighbour. But it is still difficult to talk to them...  I t is stressful for me to talk german every time...and all the time.. feel some kind of loneliness. Ira, where r u? Elena, I miss u...

And, probably, this diary (this shit) is also only for my thoughts (I don#t care if somebody reads my thoughts). Hopefully, one day, being free from my BF, I will be ably to discribe my last travelling and to show you the photos I made. Right now no time. Feeling tired from everything new. And at lot of housework...

Friendinnen, wo seid ihr? Ich vermisse euch...
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