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Am I slut? :)

My dear friends!
One year ago I subscribed myself for an e-mailing concerning peoples'  relationships. Every week, I have an interesting e-mail from Mike Fiore. However, it is really rare I read them. So what I have found today:

Mary asks...

“I love listening to you an Nora: I am dating three different men because each one has a different way of having sex. I have the best of all worlds. I am not afraid of STI’s but they are older but I am attractied to all three. I am older and have a great sex drive is why all three make me completely satisfied. I let them know this is a sex relationship. I am 72 yr. old but look and keep myself in shape to look in my 60″s. What I’m afraid of that one will want to get serious but being older, married four times, I’m just interested in sex only. I have to keep a calendar to make sure I keep my dates spaced apart. Is this unusual for older women or am I a slut?”


Hey Mary,

Hey Mary,

I love you.

OK, maybe "Love" isn't the right word but I certainly love your question. Every day I get emails from men and women both complaining about not having enough sex or feeling ashamed of their genitals or thinking that sex should only be used as some nefarious life-bonding ritual like in Avatar.

Then I meet a woman like you with a sex drive like a locomotive who remembers that sex is supposed to be FUN.

So let's break down your question a bit . . .

1. Does this make you a "slut?"

Yes. No. Maybe.


Does it matter?

Listen, the word "slut" gets a bad name. If a GUY wrote in to me to talk about this nobody would call him a "slut," they'd just call him "lucky." (And insanely virile. And a guy who's sweat we should bottle.)

Personally the whole double standard pisses me off and in 2013 we should be over it. (We're not, but we should be.)

Are SOME people (especially some other women and teenaged girls who like to lash out at EVERYBODY) going to waggle their finger at you?

Yup. Because women are often vicious to each other.

So I wouldn't go around like some kind of sacred sexual priestess bragging about your magical vagina everywhere.

But as long as you're honest and safe and don't go stealing other women's men you've got nothing to worry about.

Of course that brings us to . . .

2. Honesty . . .

OK, you said that you told these guys that it's JUST a sexual relationship. But did they believe you? And do they know that they're not the ONLY guys you're having sex with?

Usually I have to tell guys this, but there's "honesty" (as in I told him/her the truth) and there's REAL honesty (as in I told him/her the truth and made sure they understood what I was actually saying.)

Most guys in general and certainly guys your age aren't going to be used to a woman with your kind of rocket-like spark. I'm not saying you have to tell one lover about every move and groan and bodily geography about another guy, but they do have to understand that there's no explicit or implicit "monogamy" going on.

Sex is always a risk (both emotionally and physically) and they need to know what kind of risk they're taking.

Which brings us to the big one.

3. "I am not afraid of STI’s but they are older but I am attractied to all three."

This is where I have to hit your puppy.

Because you SHOULD be afraid of STI's.

Or maybe "Afraid" isn't the right word. "Aware of" and "protected from" is more what I'm going for.

The scary fact is that the FASTEST GROWING infection group for horrible, annoying and possibly even fatal STI's like herpes, chlamydia and AIDS are . . .

Older women just like you.

An AARP survey in 2009 showed that only 20% of singles over 45 years old (seems kind of young for AARP, huh?) reported using condoms every time (32% of women and 12% of men. Sheesh.)

And ANOTHER study showed that STI's (sexually transmitted infections) have DOUBLED amongst older folks in the last 10 years.

So . . . uhh . . . yeah, this whole "I'm not worried because we're older" thing is unmitigated horse poop.

I know, I know, condoms aren't fun and a lot of guys (especially older guys) "won't" use one.

And I know, I know, after 30 or 40 years of marriage the whole idea of asking somebody to put a little rubber sock on just seems weird.

But strange fiery bumps on your nether regions aren't fun for everybody. And it's worth an embarrassing conversation to keep you and your partners safe.